Good Morning Haiku

Son holds up fingers

Is it chocolate or poop?

Sniff. Not chocolate.

Hot Pocket Box says

Wait two minutes to eat. Hot!

I did not wait. Ow.

Talking to yourself

In the Men’s room…mumbling.

Creepy. Stop it, dude.

Discussion with cat

Stop biting my toes, thank you

Meow. I bite toes.

Nature, surrounding

Whisper of fall air, morning

Phip...whuuurp. Gas, aloft.

Nose hair, nose hair, yo!

It curls out from under there

Pluck that shit, lady

Foggy eyes, peeing.

Left some on the seat for her.

Urine for a treat.

Click.  White wedding! Yow!

What the hell is happening?!

Click snooze.  Start again.

Heating up my lunch

MUST you comment, co-worker?

Its a Hot Pocket.

New cat in the house

Cat breath smells like my cell phone

Where is my cell phone?


Slow Pedestrian

Three thousand, six hundred pounds

You should be concerned

Human Resources

Smell this, smell what I just made

It's poop, poop for you

Jersey Shore, welcome

Proud of being dumb, I nod

You all have the clap

Taste of minty wax

Been awhile since I flossed

Are those chunks of ham?

Dirty diapers strewn

From the trash across the lawn

Suck my balls, raccoon.

Pardon, homeless guy

I realize you are lonely

But that’s my nipple