As I’ve stated before, my dear friend and co-blogger, Uncle Wrunkle’s Dad is a bloody meat eating, giant shit taking badass. His son is a MacGyver-esque mechanical genius, so it’s only a matter of time before they combine their efforts to; 1) build a time machine, and 2) use it to kick some temporal balls. Here is how I imagine that going:
Papa Wrunkle: “What the fuck are you working on, boy!?”
Uncle Wrunkle: “Hey Pop. It’s a Tipler cylinder.”
Papa Wrunkle: “A fucking time machine!? That’s my fucking boy! How did you overcome the fucking Cauchy horizon?”
Uncle Wrunkle: “I had to unify general and special relativity to identify closed time curves without using negative energy. Took me all morning.”
Papa Wrunkle: “Ha! Fuck Hawking, am I right!?”
Uncle Wrunkle: “There… it’s finished! Where should we go fi…”
Papa Wrunkle: “IT’S NAZI KILLIN’ TIME!!”
Omaha Beach – Fox Green Sector
Lieutenant General Clarence Huebner
June 8, 1944
Beach landing chaotic. Infantry and Tank Battalions missed scheduled landing sites by several miles. Strafing fire from German machine gun batteries resulted in heavy initial loses taken by infantry during assault on bluffs.
During assault long range reconnaissance noted two men ahead of the infantry racing towards the bluffs. The unidentified men scaled the wall; diving successively into each machine gun nest at which point the infantry reported hearing, “screams of terror” followed by a cessation of fire from the nest.
Subsequent inspection of the batteries by field officers revealed that the German soldiers were not killed by gun fire. Colonel Thomas Rogers was asked to speculate on how the men were killed; at which point he made the sign of the cross, wet himself and passed out. Colonel Rogers’ Section 8 paperwork is pending.
Upon approaching the final nest, field officers witnessed two men climbing out, both blood stained and smoking cigars, one with a German officers’ severed head under his right arm.
When questioned, the men refused to identify themselves. The officers asked the men why they were naked, to which the older of the two men responded; “Wait 40 years then watch The Terminator. Fucking awesome.” Officers report that at this point the space around the two men “began to warp,” and the men vanished.
Since this event, German resistance has been minimal.