Brothers

When I was a kid, one of my brothers and I held my youngest brother over a stairwell by his ankles. He screamed and thrashed around, while we laughed and told him if he didn’t hold still we might drop him. If we did drop him, the fall would have seriously injured or killed him. We laugh about this now. Brothers are in a unique position wherein the abuse inflicted is often judged less by its cruelty, than its creativity. I’ve found that as I matured, my relationships in every other aspect of my life have matured with me. My relationship with my brothers, however, still consists primarily of them trying to convince me that I am a retarded hippie half-man.

 

To emphasize my point, here is a collection of comments pulled from e-mails my brothers have sent to me over the past year. Please note that all of these comments were made by men in their mid to late 30’s; professional men with families of their own. Please also note that this is only a small percentage of the comments I could have used. I stopped pulling them only because this article was becoming too long. (And because by this point after reading them I had become emotionally unstable.  I’m going to go cry in the shower now):

 

 

“She is a happy baby. Fair skinned. She has a pinko, commie for an uncle. We just lie and tell her he's retarded.”

 

“I know you're a fan of the Sopranos, so I'll keep calling you Big Pussy.”

 

“Hey limp prick”

 

“Hey Knuckle-Fuck”

 

“Why do you want to tank the economy which single mothers rely on to feed their babies? Why do you hate babies, ass-eater?”

 

“I don’t blame you. If I had your life I’d be pissy too.”

 

“Incidentally, if blowing $780 billion will get us out of this mess, why stop there? Why not $80 trillion you Kenesian fuck?”

 

“take it ez, ass-cheese...you caught me ona day that I have both a work deadline AND an exam (that I am supposed to be taking right now instead of educating a pinko douche)”

 

“Talking to you is like talking to a woman.”

 

“Wii sucks. You wasted your money. Happy birthday”

 

“Thanks for making me change my profile picture back, asshole”

 

“Hey Douchely”

 

“Hey Taint-Face”

 

“Hey Slappy.”

 

“Did you see that David Ogden Stiers came out of the closet? That makes Sulu, Winchester...shoot, if we ever find out Jon-Erik Hexum was gay, that'd pretty much be all your childhood heroes.”

 

“Don't tease me (in the political, debating sense, not in the sexy way you hock up your skirt to review your creamy thighs).”

 

“Hey Bitch”

 

“Hey Pussy Whiskers”

 

“Hey Assy”

 

“Note how I properly removed mom from the thread before joking about your well visited ass”

 

- Grizzly

Write a comment

Comments: 5
  • #1

    Jose (Sunday, 23 October 2011 00:15)

    Hm, I’m just comfortable with this but still not entirely convinced, hence i’m going to research a touch more.

  • #2

    Manh (Friday, 11 November 2011 22:13)

    Delighted to see that web site is effective in this little iPhone , almost everything I would like to do is actually well-designed. Appreciate your retaining up currently using the most recent.

  • #3

    Martin (Thursday, 24 November 2011 01:52)

    Auto Tweet Wordpress plugin. Absolutely no registration application on Twitter. Plugin will be the maximum advantage of simpleness

  • #4

    otěhotnění (Tuesday, 29 May 2012 17:09)

    Nice one info, thx

  • #5

    greterewse (Friday, 07 December 2012 11:11)

    I truly wanted to construct a quick message in order to thank you for the stunning tips and tricks you are giving on this website. My incredibly long internet look up has now been rewarded with reliable suggestions to share with my friends. I would repeat that many of us visitors are rather endowed to be in a very good site with so many marvellous individuals with insightful plans. I feel quite privileged to have encountered your webpage and look forward to some more awesome minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once more for a lot of things.I wish to show my thanks to this writer just for bailing me out of this particular scenario. As a result of checking throughout the the net and seeing suggestions that were not pleasant, I was thinking my life was well over. Being alive minus the solutions to the issues you have resolved as a result of the article is a critical case, and the ones that might have adversely damaged my career if I hadn't noticed your website. Your main expertise and kindness in maneuvering every aspect was vital. I'm not sure what I would've done if I had not discovered such a stuff like this. It's possible to at this point look forward to my future. Thanks for your time so much for your skilled and result oriented help. I will not be reluctant to endorse your site to any individual who needs and wants guidelines about this subject.

Help